I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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