god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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