hell yes lets make some ravioli
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
