I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
