This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
