guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
