8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
