A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
