He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
