K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
