The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
