No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
only if we run a train.
done.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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