there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
