why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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