I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
