Small penises have feelings too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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