as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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