I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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