my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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