They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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