I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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