All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
