we have officially lost it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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