He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize