he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
