And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
