Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
