im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
