Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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