I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
