He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
