Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
