He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
