I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
