Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
