That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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