I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize