She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
