So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
zippers are such a cool invention
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
