2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ðŸ˜ðŸ’€#pensacolaproblems
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize