Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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