Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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