but the lizard people decide everything anyway
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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