good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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