she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
