I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
