Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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