he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize