Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
