Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
