i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
