Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
