Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
