it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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