I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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