Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
zippers are such a cool invention
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
