Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize