nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Vodka?
Forever.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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