Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
