I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
