HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Swine flu. Run for my life!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
