Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
