Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
