Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize