So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
