I just cut my nipple shaving
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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