The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
