Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
