Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
