Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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