idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
