she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
