My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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